Of Sex and Cheesecake

He mentioned it casually while he was lacing up his shoes on a red hallway rug, and I can’t remember how it came up.

“Why doesn’t the Church talk more about sex, Mom?”

My twenty-one year old had to leave for work so our conversation was short.

“Well, your dad and I do, and our church does, but apparently not enough, if you’re not hearing it. You’re right: it needs to be talked about more.”

He’s not alone in thinking that. Running into women when I speak, or in quiet conversations across loveseats, I hear it. “We need safe places to talk about sex and to hear a Christian perspective.” 

Photo Credit: Flickr user Capture the Uncapturable, Creative Commons cc license

So, to my twenty- and thirty-something friends — actually to all of us, older and younger– can I apologize? And let’s jump in, shall we? This is the first in a series on Let’s Talk about Sex.

To answer briefly for now, may I say that sex is fabulous? It’s so fun, and it grows and improves with time. It’s a great invention by God.

But I think it’s like cheesecake. We married ones remember that — if you’re single in your twenties and thirties– you’re probably trying to avoid sex until marriage. So our talking about sex too much right now feels like eating cheesecake in front of someone on a diet. And we understand firsthand usually the fallout of sexual activity outside of marriage– often we’re still unpacking our baggage from years earlier.

But in our desire to not awaken further hunger in you, we have just muted our voice. Our recent silence has done you a disservice. Lest you wonder or doubted, God made sex and he talks about it. It was his idea and he called it very good! Sex is a gift in marriage.

Like any good thing in our melting world, however, we’ve warped sex, distressed it, and twisted it, and our baggage builds up through the years. Cycles of hurt and misinformation coil throughout generations of families until sex becomes a topic people are afraid to talk about, don’t know how to talk about, and think they can’t talk about at church. We’re mistaken.

Indeed, God talks bluntly, unblushingly, and often about sex in the Bible, and he calls it undefiled and good. But that’s for another post.

Bottomline: God invented sex. He made us, and he has plans and guidelines for you to have a fabulous sex life.

Can we talk more next week?  (Feel free to share, forward, or post this.)

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  1. Bill (cycleguy) on October 26, 2016 at 9:45 pm

    I'm a lot older than you Jen (64). When I was growing up sex was NEVER talked about in church! EVER!! Sad because I learned my view from another source. And it was warped. There is a time and a place for it but a Biblical treatment and openness is essential.

  2. Ed Damas on October 27, 2016 at 5:13 pm

    Talking sex is definitely not supposed to be taboo. The church talks so much about marriage, you would think that sex is a part of that, but the church has evaded it like the plaque. Perhaps it's afraid to offend some of it's members? Jesus wasn't afraid to rock that boat at all!

  3. TC Avey on November 2, 2016 at 7:34 pm

    There are several topics the church is failing to speak about…sadly the world has plenty to say. If we won't say it we can be sure others will.
    Its time we speak up. silence has gotten us no where .

  4. Jennifer Dougan on December 9, 2016 at 1:47 am

    Hi Bill,

    I agree. The church and in Christian culture is a great safe place to talk about sex and to go to the source for info.

    Sorry for my late reply.

    Jennifer Dougan

  5. Jennifer Dougan on December 9, 2016 at 1:51 am

    Hi Ed,

    Nice to talk with you. Sorry for my delay. Yes, it's good that we can jump in and talk about any subject openly and to go to God for wisdom.

    Thanks for stopping by.

    Jennifer Dougan

  6. Jennifer Dougan on December 9, 2016 at 1:55 am

    Sorry, Ed, I can't figure out how to comment on your site. Perhaps you'll get this in your email inbox?

    Jennifer Dougan

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