What Every Man Craves

I watched him pound away on the drums at church yesterday, his shoulders rising rhythmically in a red striped dress shirt. Between measures, his left leg kept silent time. I prayed for strength and energy for him, knowing firsthand how influenza had stripped us of energy this week.

Over the Sunday School hour, I sipped coffee and watched him teach, standing poised before other adults, opening up God’s word, confidently, authoritatively.

After church, he conversed, made phone calls, assembled other youth leaders, and coordinated last minute changes to a youth event. Deftly wielding a stick shift, he drove us home, exhausted and weary from a week’s worth of influenza-sapped-strength, picking up take-out on the way home for an easy lunch.

I whispered it in his ear in the pew after the drums. I smiled it at him from behind my coffee in Sunday School.

“I am so proud of you, my handsome man.”

Over the gear shaft in a chilled car, I kissed him, pulling him close.

“Thank you. I see it. The way you serve your family, taking care of us when we’re sick. I see the way you drum hard during practice and during worship, asking God for energy to do so. I see how you arrange the details of this youth event, on a day when you’re exhausted, calling and recruiting last minute items. I see it, and I’m so proud of you.”

This choosing to stop and see —counting not only my Creator’s gifts, but also focusing on and seeing the good in my man– is so revolutionary and yet so basic. I so easily forget to pause, see, and note.

Author Shaunti Feldham in her book, “For Women Only,” noted, “…Affirmation is everything. When a man is affirmed, he can conquer the world. When he’s not, he is sapped of his confidence and even his feelings of manhood.” (67).

Feldham continued, “Home is the most important place for a man to be affirmed. If a man knows that his wife believes in him, he is empowered to do better in every area of his life. A man tends to think of life as a competition and a battle, and he can energetically go duke it out if he can come home to someone who supports him unconditionally, who will… tell him he can do it… A husband can slay dragons, climb mountains, and win great victories if he believes that his wife believes that he can” (67, 68).

What is it your man craves? To know you are proud of him, that you respect him.

Want to rock his world tonight? Wonder what your man is craving this week? Watch him, look for the good things in him, ask God to show you them anew each day, them whisper them into your man’s ears. Often. And tell others, aloud.

To start, in the comments below, tell me two things you love about your man today. (Then go tell him too!) Those reading in an email can click here to join the conversations. I love hearing from you, and doing life with you, friends.

Linking with Ann.

Photo credits to Microsoft. 

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  1. Unknown on January 22, 2013 at 2:20 am

    So very, very true, Jennifer. Two things I love about my husband? Well, he is the best daddy to our children. He is their mentor, their coach, and their prayer warrior. I love that he is funny ~ keeping me laughing after 23 years of marriage.

  2. Jennifer Dougan on January 22, 2013 at 3:01 am


    Thanks for stopping by. πŸ™‚ "Their mentor, their coach, and their prayer warrior" — I love it. Thank you. Have fun whispering that back into his ears too…

    Congratulations on the twenty-three years of marriage too,
    Jennifer Dougan

  3. Jayne on January 22, 2013 at 1:22 pm

    Words of affirmation are My Man's love language. (from the book The 5 Languages of Love by Gary Chapman, I believe)I would also recommend The Love Dare study. Awesome study.
    My Man is a hard worker. The economy has taken a toll on his surveying business so now he works a part time job,plus surveys when he can and builds and sells porch swings and adirondek chairs. He shows his love for me in little ways,like giving me a Coke and a candy bar.

  4. on January 25, 2013 at 2:44 pm

    What do I love about my husband?

    His generosity with his time (not just with his family, but with others).

    His willingness to be a "foot-washer"–he's a faithful servant in the kingdom of God.

    I'll be sure to remind him.

  5. Jennifer Dougan on January 27, 2013 at 9:27 pm


    Chapman's love languages are so helpful! We like to use that book in understanding our kids too.

    It sounds like your man is a hard worker, and a sweet romantic gift giver too. πŸ™‚ I'm smiling with you. Husbands are a wonderful gift, aren't they?


  6. Jennifer Dougan on January 27, 2013 at 9:32 pm


    A generous, self-less man… those are treasures! Husbands are wonderful. Have fun whispering those things into his ear too… πŸ™‚


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